Last night my husband came home and found a small torn-open box lying next to our garage. In it was just one bottle of Prebiotin, a prebiotic fiber supplement we take at our house. I had ordered two bottles, at 40 bucks a piece – normally well worth it, because this stuff is medically proven and it helps me keep my weight down, gives me energy, and makes me feel healthier. As I pondered the missing bottle, I realized a thief had taken the box off our front porch, hoping for expensive Christmas goodies. Then he had run through our yard—we really must get a fence—torn open the box, yanked out one bottle, dropped the box, and taken off through the alley.

Last night I was angry, thinking that $40 feels like a lot of money, and that everybody loses because the thief can’t make any money selling dietary fiber on the black market. Can he? But today I’m grinning, thinking that, if he decides to use it himself, he’s going to be the most regular thief in Denver. However, I’m still feeling a little petty, so part of me hopes he takes too much, and can’t find a toilet…